Dear Parents

EN FAMILLE aims to give students between the ages of 14 and 16 the opportunity to experience another culture and language in a family environment.

We would like to talk to you about some of the worries and questions you might have at the thought of your son/daughter going away from home for such a long period, (possibly for the first time).

The following is not to tell you what to do, but rather to give you some advice and suggestions for a successful experience.

You may find you will be in the minority in wishing your teenager to participate in such a scheme. Ask us to put you in touch with families who have already done an exchange and listen to what they have to say. Hearing of other people’s experiences can be helpful in coming to a decision to participate in EN FAMILLE International. Such a decision is never taken lightly and it is quite normal to have various concerns and doubts. We would like to reassure you that by letting your teenager spend this time in France/Spain/Germany not only will their French/Spanish/German improve immeasurably but also they will mature greatly from having to cope with this challenging situation. Total immersion in a language has been shown to be the most efficient method of language learning. The more usual one or two-week exchanges between students does not make much overall difference to the knowledge of a foreign language. If your teenager spends six months abroad not only will they be bilingual but they will have gained a deeper understanding of the foreign country and its language than they ever could as an adult.

Lots of questions will trouble you, “will they be safe?” “will the family be kind?” “will they be unhappy?” “will they cope with school?” “what if they don’t like the food?” “will they get on with the exchange student?” “will they fall behind with school work?” So let us address some of these points.

En Famille International takes great care in placing young people in families that are as compatible as possible. It would be incorrect to assume that difficulties cannot arise. No matter how carefully plans have been made and no matter how thorough the preparations, the first month will be very difficult. This is normal, there is so much to cope with – change of diet, routine at school and at home, inability to express themselves, being away from friends and family members. Homesickness in varying degrees is to be expected. However learning how to cope in such a challenging environment can be very character forming for young people. They have been taken out of their comfort zone and that is hard. But having to cope on their own will inspire great confidence and teach them how to cope with future difficult situations on their own.

We are parent in different ways. The thought of other people being responsible for our precious teenager is very unnerving. When you see the care that is taken to select families for this exchange you will be reassured that all the right questions are being asked, references are being taken up and the fact that all our families are personally interviewed is very confidence inspiring. We are not looking for the “perfect family” but rather for a family that is warm hearted enough to welcome with open arms another nationality, another teenager. Young people are amazingly resilient and if things are different from at home, it may surprise us how well they adapt and learn from the new experiences.

Welcoming the exchange student is another area that may cause some anxiety. Of course they will have different ways of doing things. The secret is to be kind, tolerant and firm. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Be fair and treat all the children exactly the same, treat the exchange student how you would like your own child to be treated. And there will be times when your patience will be tested!!! Nobody is perfect; all teenagers make mistakes, most of them thankfully minor. It is how we react that will determine the relationship and the success of the exchange experience. The student is not coming to a hotel for a six-month holiday or to be waited on, he/she is coming to learn and discover.

How will the rest of the family get on with the exchange student ?

This again is a constantly changing dynamic. Like all siblings there are good days and not so good days, that is normal. It would put a terrible strain on the whole family if everyone was on their best behavior for the whole exchange treating the exchange student as a guest rather than a member of the family. If the student is not treated the same then they are not really a part of the family. The thing to remember, especially at the beginning of the exchange, is that the student has had an education different from the one you have given your own children. But they wanted to come and live with another family and it is for them rather than for you to adapt. They know it will not be easy at the beginning to be away from home. The student will have to try to cope very quickly with a new environment, new rules, values as well as getting to grips with a new language, food, school and family members. Tolerance is the key and understanding, patience and spending time with the student getting to know them is vitally important. Personal space for everyone is essential, mutual respect between the family members and the exchange student is paramount and if there are disagreements and conflicts then these need to be addressed and not left to fester without intervention.

Finally each family that sends their teenager must have complete confidence in the host family and must see the difference between what is essential and what is not. Trust the Transnational family and trust the organisation.